While talking to Esh, my thoughts wandered off just to come back to realize something. We were somewhere in between how older women are awesome(r) and how protective one becomes of all womankind in the NCR. I think we also joked about how good sex is sometimes harder than flying a plane or driving a car…can’t remember the comparison.
Things have changed now, as I realized. Esh is still in college because he took sometime to convince his parents that he rather be a failed writer than a bored engineer. I have just stepped out of college and am on a sort of self imposed celibacy sabbatical. For reasons I do not understand fully. Yes I can confuse myself at times.
But the amount of maturity I see in Esh is sort of a reflection of my own bearing.
I used to be a facade wearing idiot who would let people in only with trust. It worked hunky dory until this one ‘friend’ came along challenging everything I wanted to believe. Well that’s another story; moral being I had turned into a non-trusting deviant basking in the lairs of my own frustration with people. This was me. But today, things have changed. One, I don’t have the time to give a space invading fuck about such people and two, people who have to, will get to you some day. Even if it’s to ask for that e-book. The universe does work that way.
These people may not think of these interactions in the same way, but then again life is what you make of it right?
The trust punch-kicking dude I mentioned before also had very strong objections to a lot of things I did or indulge in. Fair enough. But so does every single person on this planet. At the end of it you live by your own accord. And that realisation took time, failed relationships, horribly bad sex and experience.
When you dislike something; you dislike it. The people who surround you do not have to agree to the same. I learnt this the hard way. I unfortunately grew up among a bunch of pot smoking, acid tripping hippies I guess, cause I didn’t have issues with people until I made way to college where dissimilar mindsets decide to get high or wasted together. And mostly ends up in puke. The real stuff or the ethereal shit.
But I’ve made peace I guess. Freedom has its price and I paid it. It is a whole lot better to analyse your ways of functioning in retrospect than actually living it. I’ve grown up. I’ve made my mistakes. I have fucked up.
But that doesn’t stop me from growing, making mistakes or fucking up in the future.
And smiling back at Esh knowing that maybe we aren’t the awesome-st people ever but we made it through just fine. We have grown a lot , having overcome strong opposition while choosing what we wanted to do with life or while deciding whether T-Bone is better than Razor.
Wait. We still haven’t decided on that.